Crossroads 

 

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View from my bedroom

 

 

Long time, no see, eh?

I thought l’d blow the dust and arachnoid web off this baby and give blogging a go again. The reason for my hiatus is not lack of motivation or topics, no. During my uhm, let’s call it cerebral spring cleaning, I stashed my English vocabulary somewhere else, a little less accessible than prior. Little by little, it is coming back to me so here we go again.

What happens when you have a goal in the horizon and you expect the path you’re treading on to lead straight to it and it doesn’t?

Well, I am nearly 40 and STILL haven’t figured out that life doesn’t work that way. So,  when you reach the crossroads and the direction signs read ”Heart” and ”Common Sense” which one do you choose?

I see myself as a very rational girl. I want facts, statistics, figures, prognoses and equations to back up my decisions. Using the common sense in other words. Very easy at work – professionalism all the way without a hint of emotional intervention.

Sometimes in life, the heart makes its presence known. I love the feeling when someone or something, preferably someONE, makes the heart start skipping a beat and your head’s all twisted. Wouldn’t it be hunky-dory if the mind told the heart to play this one together, skipping hand in hand? Figuratively speaking of course.

But noooo, it just has to get complicated and subsequently the mind will refuse any involvement with the heart. The poor body where these two opponents are lodged will slowly tear itself apart.

If I decide to follow my heart, will it be worth the struggle down the road? Then again, if I see things rationally it will save me a lot of problems later. If I can persevere the heartache, that is.

There are many ”what if”, ”think of it this way”, ”then again” and ”maybe you should” on repeat in my head right now.

I need a new focus, a new perspective. My goal is a bit blurry due to a vast amount of information running through my head over and over again. Me as my own coach and therapist isn’t always the best solution, but at least I have someone to talk to while driving. 😜

During a normal week,  I drive about 800 k’s to and fro work. I have two different workplaces, one located in Mariestad and the other one on Kinnekulle. Approximately 8 hours a week are spent behind the wheel which gives me a fair bit of time to reflect and brood on life. Someday,like today, I turned up the volume and decided to let the music temporarily drown my sorrows. They’ll wake up again tomorrow. Energised by the little defeat, ready to haunt me anew.

That’s when you buy yourself a small bag of pick-and-mix Lindt chocolate. Since the price is SEK 299 (AU$ 43)/kilogram, the size of the bag was indeed small.

Oh, I am also a very happy cousin this weekend. Tora, who will turn 9 later this month, has entered her first dressage competition. She got a nice horse ribbon and was very satisfied with her performance. Sadly, I couldn’t be around but expressed my joy in a short text message.❤ I am bursting with joy that she share my passion for horses and Icelandic horses in particular. She’ll make a skilled rider one day.🐴

No doubt about it.

Annonser

2 kommentarer Lägg till

  1. Welcome back to blogging! It sounds as though you have quite the difficult decision ahead of you, so perhaps it will be good to have a blog to distract you (or help solve the problem, even).

    Gilla

    1. Tess skriver:

      Thank you! 🙂 I’ll do my very best to keep on blogging on a somewhat more regular basis. The blog is a very good way to vent my thoughts and reflections. Sometimes I just hope for the missing piece to fall down from the sky, you know, to help me see the entire picture, but that doesn’t seem to happen either. It’s not a problem that demands an immediate solution, thankfully. To be continued…

      Liked by 1 person

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